First things first! Thursday is Tomoe time.

Hello friends, today I’d like to share something personal that you may find helpful. It’s very simple in fact but something that has come up again & again. Yes our work, hobbies and friends are important as are the relationships we’ve developed across our social media networks. It’s wonderful to find so many like-minded folks who enjoy what we enjoy too!

When I ask my mentors how they balance things, they have all answered the same and separately too, so this has made their answers all the more powerful.

Family.

Really, they all told me - “family is the most important. Spend as much time as you can with your family.”

I’ve not mentioned this publicly but a handful of years ago you may have noticed I was “quiet” and needed to take a break from work. I was terribly sick. Losing weight quickly and struggling to even get up off the futon in the morning my poor wife had to help me to stand. My entire body wracked in pain and my joints were sharp knives making each step a new definition of pain. I could not remember things, would not know where I was or how I got there. Being helped up stairs by our 7 year old daughter. “Forgetting” how to take her from the station to the school.

I had done the usual idiot thing of telling everyone I was ok and that I’d be better soon but… finally I confessed to Tomoe, my lovely wife, that I could feel something inside, “choking the life out of me.” I could really feel it, somehow. Poor Tomoe knew it must be bad if I asked for help and took quick action.

The hospitals in Japan are excellent and the doctors and specialists are some of the best in the world - eventually we stumbled across the right team and they found it - a large tumor and yes, it was choking the life out of me and poisoning my blood with the very calcium it was causing to be leached out of my bones - that’s where the excruciating pain came from.

We were introduced to Okamoto Sensei, a top professor/surgeon for tumor removal and moved to the Tokyo Joshi Idai Byouin. That’s the Tokyo Medical University Hospital in Shinjuku. Is it wrong for me to admit that I felt a little disgusted at his excitement for the severity of my case? He seemed quite happy to let me know he had taken this case due to the unusual hormonal profile I was presenting and that it would be an opportunity for him to attempt to clean out the assumed cancer under the knife.

“Sensei, do you think this is cancer?”

“oh with numbers like this I don’t see how it can’t be!”

Yes, he was smiling. I may have smiled back but in truth, I was having some challenge in matching his mood…

Then they moved me off to the ward with neighbouring patients who did not return after their surgeries. As I was wheeled in there was a young man at the front of the room getting changed into a gown and talking with his insurance representative before being wheeled. He seemed ok, was able to stand and get changed, speak and otherwise I would not have suspected anything to be amiss. There were some people cleaning out his effects the next morning.

“Excuse me Nurse, did you move that young gentleman to another ward for recovery?”

“Oh no, he died.” Just like that.

“Dad, this is the worst birthday ever…” Yeah sorry kid but hey, we’ve got cake!

I cannot express the profound feeling of loss I felt during this time. It was a deep pit of sorrow and despair the likes of which I had not experienced. Not for me, my life no longer had any meaning for myself as odd as that is to admit. I was leaving behind a little girl with no father. A lovely wife. With nothing. I had done nothing with the gift of life. I had received so much. I had lived a unique life and been granted experiences that nobody else ever had. I had been accepted by and allowed to work with and learn with two of the greats of Japanese Sci-Fi, my number one passion. More than I could ever ask for or deserve. But I had done nothing with it and all those unique and precious experiences and knowledge that I had selfishly devoured for myself were now going to be lost?

The waste! The pointlessness! The emptiness!

There was a waiting list for an operating table. Suddenly one morning, it was time. Okamoto Sensei and his team - yes, he’s such a big deal that he moved everywhere with an entourage of 6 to 10 doctors who were shaking me awake and telling me to “get ready”. During recovery, the other doctors told me what an absolute legend Okamoto sensei is and how he zoomed around the hospital calling in favours for me. Instead of sending his entourage, he went around personally and assembled a team and made it happen. Again, see how lucky I am and how I don’t deserve it?

I will admit to being scared out of my mind. They lead you into a room with maybe 15 or more people, staring at you and waiting. There were younger doctors explaining the procedure to me. I couldn’t help but think that I was in no way qualified to be attending this briefing. Then they ask you to agree? Well seeing as you have pointed out the other option is a painful death and I’d hate to disappoint all these wonderful people who dressed up for me, I think we should proceed.

I lay back, they give the anesthesia and you release control. This is no longer about you but a team of people working to save another.

This is when things change. Just sudden like. No fanfare, no music, nothing.

You are shaken awake. They don’t have time for you now, their work is done. They have other people to take care of. It’s not about you.

It’s Okamoto Sensei. Speaking English too.

“Lincoln san, NO cancer.”

He seems disappointed!

“No cancer. I checked everywhere.”

My mind had and has a clarity I have never experienced before. Nothing matters. I have a 2nd chance.

Another life.

Family. Share my life’s work. Share what I have learned. Pay it forward.

That’s it. That happened 5 years ago. It’s taken me this long to write about it, even really think about it. Yes I cried as I remember failing my family. Again. It haunts me.

So why are you sharing this Linc? Overshare much?

Maybe. But I need my friends to know. If or when I cannot answer you, I am not ignoring you. I am not sitting around bathed in Golden Sunshine thinking I am someone. In the past 5 years I have not gained that feeling of self again. I mention to my wife often that my life can never be about “me” again because I had the opportunity to see through that illusion.

My life is about family and service. That is all. Yes I still enjoy it a great deal again but it’s different now. I look for ways to make things better for my family, my friends and community. But it’s not about me and never can be again. I serve my family and community.

Now about Thursdays, that’s special. Thursday’s are for Tomoe. The phone is put down. The computer is not switched on. I don’t look at social media. Thursdays are for whatever Tomoe wants to do. She seems pretty happy to still have me around and looks forward to doing silly things together.

Thursday’s are for Tomoe.